The death of cool

Went to see Common with Nat on Wednesday. Hadn't heard of him before but he was pretty damn cool. Got to the Kool Haus at the Guverment at 8:30, waited in a ridiculous line-up that stretched down the street and around the corner for an hour and Common didn't come on stage till almost 11. In my day, concerts were done by 11. But maybe that's because I only remember the outdoor hippy shows. Shivering in minus something degrees in my "winter" coat, I realized I'd forgotten what it's like to be cool.

I was reminded of this sad fact when we approached the Jam Van about halfway through our wait. I sauntered in to this haven of cool to save myself a few minutes of freeze when the Jam Van dude had a chuckle at my expense. "What do you mean you've never seen my van around town before? Do you live in Thornhill or something?" The conversation turned to music, but when he asked what I liked, I mumbled inaudibly and scanned the cds hanging on the walls. Rock and roll wasn't a cool enough answer. Who in their right mind doesn't enjoy anything that came out after the '70s? I had to find something else, and quick. "Metro?" was all I could muster. Like Common, I had never heard of Metro either, but the cool Jam Van guy assured me that I gave him the right answer. He scrolled through his iTunes and played some of the Montreal band's stuff. Not bad. Not bad at all.

I was reminded once more of my lack of cool when I entered the venue itself. I had come directly from work, wearing a tasteful scarf, a too expensive coat, a silly pair of old Silver jeans and a bright red sweater. Even worse, I had gotten my hair cut the night before and my silky-smooth straight hair combined with my outfit made me look like the trendiest of girly-girls out there. Forget the fact that we were at least five years everyone's senior, my sin was in neglecting to accessorize. Jeans folded up to expose knee-high boots, little hats, shiny purses and knitted shrugs surrounded me. And the guys were even cooler. T-shirts underneath button-up shirts underneath unzipped hooded sweatshirts underneath fitted jackets made me yearn for my long abandoned layered look. What had happened to the girl who wasn't allowed to run for president of my all-girls school for wearing a marijuana necklace around my neck, sweatpants under my skirts and long sleeves under short sleeves?

Although it was clear that I needed a new music collection and a new wardrobe, I enjoyed myself immensely. I always liked "Go," the one song I had indeed heard before (despite not knowing its creator), and now I've added some more Common to my newly expanded repetoire. "Faithful" and "Testify" are on the top of my list, mainly because I was too drunk to remember the names of any the songs he sang next.

And the Kool Haus is way kooler than it was the last time I was there back in '98-ish when the same Nat took me to see Ben Harper. (That's a story in itself. I was digging the multi-cultural crowd, amazed at its scope, when Nat explained that the man I'd been listening to all summer was black despite my honky assumptions.) As I was saying, back in '98-ish, the Kool Haus was definitely not as kool as it is today. Now they've got these awesome bars, four to be exact, with big colourful lights overhead. They've also added a chilling area with leather seats, where I sat for most of the show. I was obviously not cool enough to dance with the masses. But I'm cool with that.

Top spots

Winnipeg-born Cindy Klassen just picked up her fourth medal - a gold in the women's 1500-metre speed skating. Ottawa's Kristina Groves took the silver, giving Canada both top spots in the race. We now have 17 medals (almost 18 - Canada's about to beat Russia in the quarter-final men's hockey game), but the Canadian Olympic committee hoped for 25. It's not over yet.

Working at a newspaper is so much fun! Where else can you watch the Olympics all day long?

Meet Mo

My brother is a slut. A frikin slut. He gets all the ladies. Anytime, anywhere. From the hottest of hot to the skankest of skank. He doesn't care. And he doesn't even have to try anymore. He's got frosted tips, a fatty-6'2" frame and more charm than Ryan Phillippe in Cruel Intentions. Women fall at his feet, fall for his oft-rehearsed game hook, line and sinker, and, inevitably, fall madly in love with him. His lopsided grin in an attempt to display an almost unnoticeable dimple works every time. Add that to his favourite ploy, where he introduces her as his fiance, and he simply can't lose. They giggle. They blush. He calls the next day. "Hi cutie." First date: He takes her tanning - it only lasts eight minutes. Half an hour, tops, for the whole shebang. Second date: His house for a movie. His "closing" date? Scaramouche Pasta Bar. He treats her like gold until he gets sick of her. A few weeks later, he's driving her home so drunk he can't see, calls her a "cuntie" and spits in her face. "You can't treat me like that," she'll say almost meaning it. But they always come back for more. He juggles the same girls for months on end. I'm telling ya, some girls just can't get enough of the Mock. He's a lovable little asshole.

Year of the Dog

Happy new year y'all!

Weekend Update

Local

This Monday, February 6th, is Toronto's annual Bob Marley Day...and would have been his 61st birthday. Smoke one for the reggae master.

International

What's with the violent protests over those Muhammad cartoons? Alright already, they were blasphemous, but do you really have to torch European flags and shoot up the neighbourhood? Ever think that maybe the prophet was depicted as a terrorist because militant Muslims project that distorted image of the religion to the world? The newest development: Muslim stores are banning Danish products, the country that ran the malicious cartoons back in September. Have you ever seen an episode of South Park? Jesus makes me laugh.

---

Egyptian ferry Al-Salam Boccaccio 98 was carrying 1,400 passengers when it sank on the way home from Saudi Arabia. Only 324 people have been saved from the Red Sea massacre. More than 900 bodies are expected to be found. Survivors say helicopters didn't arrive on the scene for 24 hours. Oy.

---

Some retard threw a concrete brick onto 401 traffic, scarring an Oshawa bride-to-be beyond recognition. What the hell is wrong with you?

The Courts

Two teenagers show up to their WestJet flight just 45 minutes before take off. Air Canada doesn't let them check in, or give them back the $1,500 they paid for their tickets from Montreal to Edmonton, because they hadn't checked in at least an hour before their flight. The kids take the case to the Canadian Transportation Agency and win! The tickets don't say you have to check in an hour early; but they do say you have to board 25 minutes before take off. I learned that the hard way on my way to Jamaica when they held us in a secondary inspection unit for no good reason making us miss our flight. Can I sue?

Sports

The silly Raptors traded Jalen Rose for Antonio Davis. Rose, who scores roughly 14 points per game, is going to the New York Knicks - one of my personal favorite teams. Used to love that little John Starks character. Anyhoo, I remember when Antonio left us in 2003. Said something along the lines of not wanting his kids to grow up learning kilometres instead of miles. Stupid Americans.

---

The Stones will play the halftime show at Sunday's Super Bowl 40 in Detroit. My bet's on the Steelers, even though odds are against them.

Entertainment

And the nominees are: Brokeback Mountain, Munich, Crash, Capote, Good Night and Good Luck, to name a few. I haven't seen any of them yet, but I'll eat more popcorn this week than any other.

---

Sheryl Crow and Lance Armstrong are breaking up. All she wants to do is have some fun, I suppose. I guess he wasn't makin' her happy, so a change will do her good. Since every day's a winding road, she'll just be soakin' up the sun.